i had sex..now i regret it

Dear Jenna

I had sex and now I regret it?

I am 14, and I know thats too young but I felt ready and I was convinced that he was the 'one'. Theres a catch though, the guy is 19... But you can't judge me straight away, he knew I was a virgin so we took it slow... But now I wish I just would of waited and not let my 'hornyness' take over me. And, my parents had no idea I was ina motel with a 19 year old, they thought I was at a friends house.

-regretful teen

 

Dear regretful teen,

WHAT? 14!!!!! That 19 year old took advantage of you i'm thinking. If you aren't feeling it, then you weren't feeling it when this whole idea took place either. I am not judging you at all, i'm judging the 19 year old that decided to push you into this. Lying to your parent's is never good either. You shouldn't lie to them about anything... but especially your location. What if something happened to you and you didn't know where you were and your parents didn't think anything of it because they though you were at your friends house? For future reference.. don't lie to them anymore. What happened, happened.. don't think to much about it. You are upset because you were not ready to have sex.. and this 19 yeard old took advantage and led you on into having it and popped your V-Card... so now you are going to feel emotionally attached to him because he was your first.

It's very normal to regret sex for the first time because you want it to be special.. the fact that you are only 14 makes it a lot worse. You will get through this though.. and in the future don't do stuff you aren't feeling and that you are going to regret.

stay strong,

-Jenna 

18, pregnant, and cheated on my boyfriend.

I'm with my boyfriend 2 years now, and I cheated on him.
I went for holidays with my female friends and I met a Spanish guy.
My boyfriend after 2 years became boring, he doesn't say " I love you" anymore, doesn't show affection, and is cold.
So when I had sex with this spanish guy I didn't regret it, because he made me feel happy , and I always had orgasm he knew how to do it, while when I have sex with my boyfriend I don't feel so good. I also could have sex everyday while my boyfriend wants it only on weekends. Now i am pregnant with the spanish guys baby and not with my boyfriends...
I know you would say now I'm bad, but it was also my boyfriend's fault that I cheated .
The problem is I don't know what to do now,
1. break up with him and tell him that I cheated,?
2. or break up with him and don't tell him it?

-gahhh

 

 

Dear gahhh,

I can't believe what i just read. Cheating on your boyfriend because "he doesn't say i love you anymore and does not show affection." Maybe your boyfriend should be the one asking me for advice because that poor kid did nothing. If you were that unhappy you should have talked to your boyfriend and told him those things were bothering you. 2 years with him and just because he doesn't say he loves you anymore you cheat? There is no reason to cheat on anyone.. just end the relationship if it's that bad. Why didn't you just talk to your boyfriend about what was bothering you? I am one to say the truth and not hold back, so I'm going to point out that the fact that you are pregnant with the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with's baby is KARMA. I mean, is that Spanish guy even going to be there for you? You have a lot to think about... and as far as asking me if you should break up with your boyfriend and tell him if you cheated or not...Honey, i think that choice is yours. I think he deserves to know the truth, and maybe he will stay with you because he does love you... or maybe not. I really don't know. I would apologize from deep down in your heart to him.. and if you decide to keep the baby and not tell your boyfriend you cheated..well he's going to find out eventually.. so i think your best bet is telling your boyfriend everything and telling him that you did it because he doesn't show affection and say that he loves you anymore.

I hope this helps you make the right choice.

-Jenna

how do i get my husband to not be so nasty this christmas?

Been married for 5 years no kids....husband has always had a short fuse and can get quickly upset. It seems he gets upset at me for anything...how I drive, what groceries I buy, he tells me he needs someone else that is not so stupid. He tells me I'm a real c**t almost every day. If I try to assert myself or say, talk to me later when you can be decent...he then throws it into high gear and throws a hissy fit. He truly believes everything is all my fault. He thinks he is more fun than me. He said to me that I have nothing to bring to the table in this marriage.

We are on Xmas break from work now and have the entire week off. We usually work opposite shifts. He likes to sit around and watch tv, movies and music. I like to stay more active. Earlier today I told him I might meet some friends for an exercise class tomorrow. He started yelling at me at how I was being selfish, that he can't spend any time with me, that I'm always running off, and that we may as well spend the holidays apart. He also keeps threatening that after Xmas he is leaving me and finding his own apartment. He said "I can't wait till I'm divorced from you." He can fly off the handle a lot. He is often in trouble at work, has had to take anger management classes at work before. I have seen him scream and yell at his dad and even push and shove his dad. His dad did nothing to deserve that. He has minimal contact with any other family. I feel like I am being prevented from doing anything as an individual. If I even suggest it he is screaming at me. I really don't want him to leave. He can also be the nicest guy around. It seems there is a dark cloud over him right now. Should I just go along with this and be nice? He told me that this holiday he wants me to do things that HE wants to do. That he is tired of always going along with me. I don't think I monopolize his time as he says. I am known as smart, educated, talented, kind, laid back, good looking, put together...I don't have any enemies in life. I have good relationships. Except with my husband. The one I really wish was better. How do I cope with this? Please help!

~married to the Grinch

 

Dear married to the Grinch,

first i would just like to point out that "married to the Grinch" made me laugh out loud, anyway, it truly does sound like you are married to the Grinch. If your husband has anger issues don't take anything he says seriously because he is just saying it to scare you and because he is angry with whatever got him upset. Don't do things that will set him off and kill him with kindness. The nicer you are the easier it will be. I'm not saying don't do what you wanna do because he will get "annoyed" but make time for him. Maybe all he needs is you to be there spending quality time with him once in a while. You must truly love each other because you both have not left each other yet. I think you should sit your husband down for dinner one night just the two of you and just talk. Let everything out, and make it a habit. Once or twice a week have a date night. Whether you are going out or staying in watching a movie and eating dinner, just talk to each other, let your stress out by talking out any problems you both have, and then relax. I think this is the best advice i can give you for this situation. A lot of the time it's just lack of something in a relationship that could cause the significant other to "fly of the handle." It could be lack of communication, sex, quality time, listening.. ect. Work things out by taking the first approach of talking and setting up date nights. It will make both of you very happy. Good luck,

-Jenna

My low self esteem is ruining my relationship

Dear Jenna, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and everything has been going great. We have a lot of fun together and we can talk about stuff that other people wouldn't understand, but lately we've been arguing a lot due to my low self esteem. I am an overcoming anorexic and I also suffer from depression. I am constantly comparing myself to other girls and I feel like I will never be as pretty as they are; my boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, but I don't believe him. I refuse eat in front of him, I won't go out with him if I feel ugly, and I get extremely anxious about sex because I don't want him to see my disgusting body. I can see that he is fed up with my behavior, but I can't help that I feel this way. Is there anything I can do to save my relationship?

-not a beauty queen

 

 

Dear not a beauty queen,

If your boyfriend has dealt with this for a year, he really loves you. The arguing could just be that you are not changing. I know it's hard when you literately have a self esteem issue.. but have you went to a doctor to talk about it? I would seek a physiologist, maybe your self esteem issues start from something that has happened in the past.. maybe you can attack it and stop feeling this way. Depression on the other hand can be solved my depression medication. I would talk to your doctor about that too. I am not telling you this so you can save your relationship.. I'm telling you this so you can save yourself. You don't wanna live the rest of your life feeling this way, and your boyfriend is probably acting this way so you get the help you need as well. Just talk to a physiologist once or twice a week and get everything from your past to present out. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and you should not feel like you are not. Believe it or not we are all self conscious.. i know i am.. but to feel like that all the time is just a hassle. You just have to act like you don't care what people think about you. I know it's very hard to do... sometimes it's hard for me too. I feel ugly a lot, and i feel self conscious a lot too, but we can't let it affect our everyday lives. If someone says "you are beautiful" don't reply with "no I'm not" just say, "thanks." It's a start, and see the doctor and talk about options for you. I hope this helps, good luck and stay strong.

-Jenna

Trouble with my mom's boyfriend!

Dear Jenna,

I hate my moms boyfriend sooo much and one of the things he just did was this: i made up an element song for science and am singing it front of the class today so i said mom can i sing this for you so i started and he kept on talking and saying aww look at the cat really loud she just ignored me ): he makes me super upset and some things he does to me is really crule): im so depressed and i try talking to her but she just says screw you she very rarely sticks up for me when he is mean what should i do? I just want my mom back.

-Steph

 

 

Dear Steph,

Try talking to a family member, or close friend of the family. Tell them the way he treats you and how he makes you feel. Tell them when you try and talk to your mom she doesn't listen. Your mom could just be blinded by love for him. I think he is being a jerk if he is doing that to you, maybe he is jealous because he wants all of your mom's attention. Sounds like a big baby to me. Definitely talk to a family member or something. No one should be making you feel depressed and taking away your mom's attention from you. You could even talk to your mom's boyfriend and see why he does that, maybe try and start off better with him. Maybe you guys started off wrong. Try and get along and maybe things will change. If not, then continue with the first plan of speaking to a relative.

Good luck, and stay strong.

-Jenna

 

 

I need serious advice!

Dear Jenna,

I've liked a girl for THREE YEARS, and can't stop thinking about her. She liked me 4/5 months ago, but I was still too nervous to talk to her. She stopped liking me a week later. I have her number and I text her and talk to her but not often. She talks to other guys as much (or a little more) than she talks to me now? Should I give up? Should I be a little more flirty? Should I text her more?
-MAX

 

Dear MAX,

You may just be thinking to much into the situation. Usually if a girl likes you, and you have kept in contact depending on the way the conversations are going, she will still like you. In all honesty, it depends how long you have been talking too. If you have liked her for 3 years now, and if you knew she liked you 4-5 months ago...then why didn't you ask her out then? I would continue to text her, and see how the conversation goes, don't act too clingy though because that tends to scare people off sometimes. Ask her to hang out sometime, and see if you guys like each other. Don't be upset if she doesn't feel the same way back anymore though, it's been 3 years that you have had a crush on her...there are so many other girls out there, so if you aren't getting anywhere with your crush, and your still in the same place after a week, i would start talking to other girls..and who knows..maybe your crush will get jealous and develope feelings for you again and come to you instead of u having to go to her.

Goodluck,

Jenna

Husband is on a dating site! HELP!

Dear jenna, I got married Oct. 2010. I'm 6 months pregnant. I LOVE my husband and he is so good with my daughter that I had previously and such a great provider and family man. However I just found out he joined a dating site 3 months ago. And he still emails with his ex girlfriend. But she lives out of state. I am really worried about this. My husband should not be on a dating website when he is married and has a pregnant wife. Please help!
~Sam the worried-wife

Dear Sam the worried-wife,

If you love your husband, show it. I'm not saying that you don't show it, but talk to him, something more could be bothering him. Husbands need attention just as much as the wife- sometimes more though because guys are sensitive and when it comes to affection they want it much more. You'd be surprised. Congratulations on being pregnant. Due to the fact that you are 6 months pregnant, i'm guessing there is a lot of mood swings from hormones and you are tired all the time. It's completely normal and understandable. If this is your husbands first child, then he may not be used to all of this. Just make time for him every night, talk about your day, watch a movie..do something with each other once a night so you have alone time. Bring up to him that you noticed that he has a dating account and that he still talks to his ex- tell him that bothers you deeply. He will understand. It's not normal for a married man to have a dating website, maybe he is just interested in having new friends to talk to...which is why i suggested having alone time once a night. Share stories and listen to each other. As far as him talking to his ex goes, no one is a fan of that, but a lot of relationships end and they stay friends. If he's talking to her everyday, it's not cool, but that all may stop once you both start communicating and you have confronted him on the situation and let him know its bothering you.

-Jenna

What does this mean?

Dear Jenna,

For 6 weeks i have been dating this man, and it was good. But, I got divorced only a couple of months ago and I have a 2 year old daughter. I could see that every time my ex husband phoned or visited my daughter it affected him and he looked upset and unhappy, and I cannot do that to someone. He does not deserve all this baggage in his life.

This afternoon I explained everything to him via text and said that he deserves to meet someone who does not have such a lot of issues and broke it off. I really meant well.

He has not replied. I don't expect him to, but does that mean he does not even care about it?

-kimmy

 

 

Dear Kimmy,

First of all, it really isn't right to break it off with someone via text. No offense, but it is kind of heartless. I honestly don't think you thought this whole situation through before you ended things. This guy has been dating you for 6 weeks, he likes you. If he felt the baggage was crazy he would have ended things with you with in the first 2 weeks. He would know for himself if the baggage was too much. There is baggage in everyone's life, not just yours. Everyone has a past. The fact that you have a 2 year old daughter, this guy understands that your ex husband is going to be in your life still regaurdless. He might have looked unhappy because he really likes you. If it affected him in anyway, he would have shared that with you. I know that if i was dating a guy, and he had a daughter and we went to see her and the wife was there I would probably not look so happy either because she had him first, and she has a kid with him. Anyone would act that way.. anyone, and i would be extremely heart broken if someone broke it off with me because they didn't think i was strong enough to handle the baggage that the relationship comes with.. and via text message too. I would call him back, and ask him to come over and talk.. if he can handle the baggage with you, then there is honestly no reason at all to end the relationship. He has not replied because he is probably really upset. Just give him a call, and tell him to forget it, or even text him like you already did and tell him to forget the text that you sent him, and to come talk with you.

-Jenna

 

i found a usb full of pics of my partners ex wife and last gf.. what do i do?!

Some of these photos are Internet porn but some of the others are these photos with his ex wife and ex girlfriends faces and heads super imposed over them and they are naked! In several situations and scenarios. I know he's been looking at them regularly and i  need honest advice about confronting him or not. Thank you.

-D

 

 

Dear D,

I felt your pain while reading that. That would make me so upset if my partner was doing such a thing. A lot of guys do however have those types of files. I know a few of my friends that do, and it's really not uncommon. But the fact that your partner is looking at his ex wife and ex girlfriend is a little extreme. I would confront him immediatly. There could be another problem at hand here if he needs to even look at those pictures. I think you need to confront him that you have seen the file and are aware that he looks at it quite often, and see if there is something bothering him that he would need to look at those pictures. Porn is one thing, but when previous girls he was with come into the picture, you could have a problem. If you love him, confront him.. and be strong too, don't take any escuses. Ask him to delete the pictures too, you don't need that kind of stuff in relationships. If he loves you, he will delete them like you asked. Good luck, and stay strong.

-Jenna

Relationship help! so torn!

Dear jenna, For the past 5 months I was with a lad who treated me so so well. He was ready to do anything for me and we was about to move in together however, he was clingy and I felt suffocated he always wanted to know who what where when. Then my ex (we split up 7 months ago) started talking to me again we was together for 3 years and he will always be my weakness. I had to call it off with my boyfriend as I couldn't stop thinking about my ex and it wasn't fair. Since I've done this I've seen my ex ex twice it never feels like it did when we was together and I know this is just a massive case of the grass is greener in my mind but now I am starting to regret calling it off with my other ex. I really don't know what to do my mind and heart seem to be arguing with each other and I'm a confused mess. Please any advice would be really helpful. Just a few points:
Me and my ex of 3 years argued all the time split up about petty stuff and he never had any get up and go about anything.
My last ex was a lot more mature, would of done anything always went out his way and had a lot going for him.

help!

-shelly

 

 

Dear Shelly,

You just answered the question. You can't be with someone who argues with you all the time and has nothing going for him. What fun is that? Your ex is your ex for a reason.. because it wasn't ment to be. You new ex is head over heels for you and would do anything for you. So do you really not know where to turn? You should go back with your new ex, you broke it off with him for no reason, you broke it off with him because you went backwards, you went back to your ex of 3 years that is obviously never going to change. Call your new ex and tell him you are sorry, and try and get back with him. If he drops everything for you, chances are he will go back with you, but don't break his heart again because you might not get another chance. Good luck.

-Jenna

 

 

Why do i get mad at my husband for no reason?

Dear Jenna,

This morning I woke up knowing I would be mad at my husband. I don't want to! But little things that he does makes me mad a little bit and then it just keep growing. I keep blaming everything on him; like how he didn't say sorry right away, or how he didn't follow me right away when I stormed out of the house. I just couldn't stop it at all. I tend to get mad at him for hours for no reasons. But deep down, I know I don't want to be mad at him. I just want to stop. And he is the nicest, kindest, most caring person I have ever known. I feel like I just need his attention but he gives me attention all the time. I usually tend to get bad a week before my period. Everything he does would frustrate or annoy me. He is so patient and caring and loving. I really don't want to lose him. The worst part is that I would say mean things to him like "we are over" when I am mad and he hates that. He really dislikes it when I say I will leave him or our relationship is over. Knowing that, I would say them on purpose to get him mad. But I hate it when he is mad at me too. Because he is the kind of person who doesn't get mad or mad easily. We both have a lot of stress going on right now with our family, so maybe stress? but I am really just tired of being mad... :( please help.

-stressandlove

 

Dear Stressandlove,

It most certainly is stress. You are just taking your stress out on the wrong person.. your loving husband. If you love him, don't say you are going to leave him, especially when you are mad for no reason. One day, he might have enough of it and say fine and agree with you. That won't be good. Try and take deep breaths. Go to a spa, get your nails done, do something that will make you happy so that you are refreshed and not taking anything out on your husband. You both are stressed, so there is no point in stressing each other out twice as bad by giving each other more stress then what you are dealing with already. You and your husband should set up a date night once a week which will allow you to communicate with each other and just have fun. Also, i would tell your husband when your period is coming so he is far warned and doesn't take anything you may say or do seriously.

i hope this helps you, and try and not be mad at your husband for no reason, he is the love in your life and will be there for you no matter what. You can share your problems with him, and he will listen.

good luck.

-Jenna

I feel played

Dear jenna
i am writing to you because i saw your page on yahoo answers. i have always loved getting advice from you when you would answer my questions because you were the only person who was upfront and forward with me. I have a new problem now though. i really like this guy and i feel like he plays me. in the beginning it was all amazing and it felt like nothing could go wrong and i fell for him really really hard. Now its just on and off communication and misunderstandings. i feel like he has gotten what he wanted and now he is moving on. i really don't know what to do because i really like him, like i think i love him, he took my v-card and we still talk but not as much. and sometimes he ignores me and its really getting me upset. its only a matter of time before im just another girl in his life that means nothing to him. i would do anything for him so why doesnt he feel the same towards me? i really thought we made a huge connection that 2 weeks that we hung out together and i thought for sure that i would be his girlfriend in no time. We never made anything official and i feel used and mistreated. i really like him though and i don't wanna be the first to text him because i dont want him to think that i am crazy or desperate. i havent spoken to him in almost a week. i just want him to approach me first because i am always the one approaching him first.. and its starting to make me feel like the only reason he is talking to me is to be nice because i am making the first moves but he doesnt want any relationship or anything.. its kind of hard to tell and its really confusing me.. please help?
~Kayla


Dear Kayla
Well, stop in the name of love! You think you "love" him? Well, it may be the case, but that may be because he took your "v-card." These types of situations are always taking place around us, you are not the only one. Actually, I have had to deal with a situation like this in the past as well. The best thing to do is ignore it. Why? well because that's the best revenge. It's hard, it's like when a teacher tells you to ignore someone at school who is being a complete jerk, but I'm going to tell you why right now, and trust me, it's a lot easier to ignore the guy you are completely head over heals for rather than an annoying classmate at school. Have you ever heard of the staples easy button? Or any button for that matter, maybe even a Christmas toy that's supposed to sing and dance when you press it's hand. If you press it's hand and it sings that's what you want.. but if you press it's hand and it doesn't work you get frustrated and you start pressing every single toy until you find one that works.. correct? Well that's what people that pick on you do.. they try to "push your buttons" to get a rise out of you.. it's what they want! So you remain silent and it pisses them off to the extreme. This crush of yours is probably enjoying the fact that you can't get enough of him. Guys are pigs, not all of them.. but most of them. Girls tend to fall a lot faster then guys do.
here's what you do: STOP TEXTING HIM! Once he sees that you are no longer texting him.. he's gonna be a surprised and upset. When you see him around, don't make eye contact unless he makes it with you, or make eye contact and just shoot him a friendly smile and go about your day. If he says hello, then you can say hi back. The point is that you have to show him that you are fine without him, and that this whole game he is playing really isn't effecting your life style. Even if it may be effecting it.. you can't let him see that. He has to see that you are still a happy girl and that you don't let those silly games ruin your fun.. and that is the best revenge there is. Then maybe he will be texting you first. It seems to me though that he might be your first true crush. If that's the case and even if it isn't, there will always be other people out there. He probably won't be the one you will marry and spend the rest of your life with. You can't waste time thinking about that though when there are other great guys out there for you that won't make you feel used, unwanted, or unimportant. Don't settle for less then you are worth. Go for it and meet new people. Sooner or later he will be just some guy that you used to like and care about, and he will be the one sitting there thinking that he really did mess up with you and he will regret it, and he will most certainly miss you. I hope this helps.
-Jenna

Relationship problems!!!!

Dear Jenna,
i'm in a very tuff situation! My boyfriend and I are having a lot of issues. Everyday a fight breaks out for no reason and it's really upsetting. We are both very hardheaded so it makes things worse because neither one of us wants to admit were wrong. I love him a lot though, we have been through hell and back together.. we have been together for 3 years. I love him so much and i'm afraid to loose him, but are relationship is on its last strings. Now for the new problem.... i recently discovered that i am pregnant. i am 100% against child abortion, but at the same time i don't want to bring a baby into a recently broken relationship that could end at any point. I don't want it to end and at the same time i do if it's only going to be constant bickering. I dont know how to bring up the baby.. im really scared he is going to walk out and leave me to deal with this on my own.. usually he wouldnt do that but lately its just been really thin ice. I only found out 2 days ago at the doctor that i am pregnant. This has been bugging me for 2 days because i don't know how to bring it up to him. Sometimes i can see myself with him, and sometimes i can see myself with someone else, which is how i know that maybe this relationship isn't ment to  be anymore. I really don't know what i should do about the baby and the relationship. I wish the relationship would go back to the normal ways, and that we could calmy without arguing figure out what we are going to do about the baby. I am 21 so a baby right now isn't extreme but i always wanted to be married before i had a child to avoid situations such as these. I need a good way to tell my boyfriend about the baby, a way that isn't to overpowering and just gets the point out there. i don't want to be in a relationship that could fall apart at any minute with just an accidental word.. please help! Thanks!
- nervous and in love


Dear Nervous and in love,
I am also someone who is against abortion, so i would never recommend that to anyone. There are other options out there for these types of situations. You can put your new born up for adoption if you feel like you just simply can't have it. The decision is all yours, only you know if you want to keep the baby or not. Maybe you plan to put it up for adoption, but your mind might change after you give birth and see the baby.
As far as your relationship goes, I go by this quote "when love is real...it finds a way." If you aren't feeling it anymore though, then maybe it isn't meant to be, or maybe you are just fed up with all the bickering. If you still love him, and don't want to loose him, than you want to be with him. Picturing yourself with someone else while you are in a relationship is completely normal, as long as you don't go for it and you keep them as fantasies. Cheating is never good and it's never the answer. Take a day or 2 to think about it, if you want to continue this relationship then sit down with him and ask him to talk calmy no arguing involved. Talk about what's bothering both of you and try and work through it. Communication is extremely important in relationships. Maybe that's all your missing. If you still need a little work, try couples counseling. The choice is all yours, it's your life. If you want the baby and you think it's a good idea, then have it. If you want your relationship to last, then work on it and make it better so it does. Wishing you the best of luck!
-Jenna

Abusive relationship?

Dear Jenna,
 I have an abusive boyfriend. I love him so much and dearly and it's very hard for me to pull away. Sometimes we are okay, but the second that something doesn't go his way he takes all his aggression and anger out on me. My parents never raised me this way, i was always raised in a way that i should never let someone take advantage of me.. but i love this guy even though he goes through these acts. My parents always told me they want a guy for me that is going to buy me things, care for me, make me happy, never harm me in anyway but harm whoever is attempting to harm me.
In this case, my boyfriend does all those things, except.. he is the one harming me. I don't really know what starts the acts because we can go weeks without one episode...but than just out of the blue i get tossed acrossed the room. I never know when he is going to snap.. and that is really scary. I live with him too, and i have distanced myself away from my family because they told me to get away from him.. and he brainwashed me to believe that the only reason they were telling me to leave him was because i love him and i was happy and they didn't want me to be happy. I'm scared to defend myself.. hes all i got. Everytime he goes through an act.. he leaves the house, gathers himself, and comes back with jewlery or flowers for me.. sometimes both. He really is a caring person, he really is.. but just when i think it's all over, another act breaks out, I wish i knew what starts these acts, because we can be normal with out them for weeks, then bam.. it stirkes again. I don't know what i should do.. please help me.. thanks
-A concerned defenseless girlfriend


Dear A concerned defenseless girlfriend,
I think the best thing for you to do would be get out... AND FAST!
"getting tossed a crossed the room" is NOT how a relationship should be.. what's next? Getting tossed out a window? Down 3 flights of stairs? I understand your feelings towards him, but you need to turn those feelings into anger, get out, and loose all communication with him! Change your numbers too so he can't contact you. Contact your close friends and family. Your family will always forgive you, they will love you no matter what and will just be happy that you have finally come to your senses and got out of the terrible relationship. You said this guy "brainwashed" you to turn against your family... so maybe he "brainwashed" you to develope feelings of love torwards him. You should NEVER be afraid to defend yourself. He can get arrested for assult, just call the cops if you are scared. Get a restraining order. I don't see how anyone could possibly have any feelings of love torwards someone who is constantly hurting them out of the blue. You can also take self defense classes so you know how to defend youself, so you never have to be defensless anymore. If you are though, that serious about being in love with him.. you can try therapy classes or find the source of the problem. The only thing i could think of is if he drinks he could act like this. Think hard.. what is so different in the weeks you don't have an act? Does he go out drinking? What does he do before an episode breaks out. Violence is a major side effect from alchole and a majority of people do unfortunatly pick that up. Try and see if that's the problem.. talk to a theripist and get your guy some help. Put all these options into play to get yourself into a safer life style that's not harmful, and be happier like you should be! I hope this helps you make the right desicion on your situation. Good luck.
-Jenna

Friend problems!

 I have two friends lets call one S and one M. S is a girlygirl and M is inbetween a girlygirl and a tom boy like me. Well i like to hang out more with M. We always hang out and play sports and get sweaty and hot. S is not like that. Also whenever M and i talk about what we did S gets mad. I only see S in school but i see M in and out of school. Also S is always giving me atittude then says that i give her atittude. So i dont really like her that much. Also M might go to my middle school.(were in 5th grade.) So ill always see her but not S. S always just walks away with her mom after school but M walks with me sometimes. So how do i kind of stop being her friend and hang out with M but not S feelings. Also im scared that she will tell everyone who i like. Thanks. Please Please Please Please help me. Also i dont want to stop being s friend completley.
` a concerened friend

Dear a concerned friend,
There is really no nice way to tell someone that you no longer want to be their friend.
Lets look at this as if this was you. If you were S and you were hearing about what M and you did to which you were not invited to, you would probably feel left out. It seems to me that your friend S doesn't have a lot of friends. She walks home with her mom after school, maybe she is shy to making friends too. You and M seem like great friends, but S seems like she just wants to be invited to hang out with you and M. Just because M is more your type doesn't mean that S can't come along too. If S is a girly girl, she might still like to play games like that. You are all only in 5th grade, things can change. I would wait it out until you all go to middle school because S isn't going with you, so eventually when that happens S will be at a different school making different friends and you and M will be making new friends as well. Telling S that you don't want to be friends though could lower her confidence, and hurt her feelings, so I would wait until you change schools. Good luck!
-Jenna

My parents drive me crazy and so does my crush!

A few things
 I feel so sad and depressed(not seriously though) its because my parents are so strict that if i even say i like a boy ill get in trouble. But there is a guy i im in love with. How can i tell them without getting in trouble. Or without them saying that im trying to grow up too fast. Also how can i get my crush to talk to me first. At my school if you just talk to someone out of nowhere they automatically say that you like that person. I cant talk to him without caring about what other people think because i am military raised and am used to saying what i feel through bad words and my brother who is serving in the troops. I would talk to him if i went to my old school. Please please please help me. I dont want my parents to relize and ask why im so sad and depressed. Please please please please please please please please please help.
-MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dear MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your parent's are only trying to look out for you. depending on how old you are, that's why they may seem like they are mad, but they aren't mad. They just think you are too young to be feeling a certain way yet.
Now to the boy.. you said you are "in love with him" why? Make a list of the things you love about him, and then you will realize that you are not in love with him, you just have a very big crush on him. You can't be in love with someone you have never talked to. It's almost like a celebrity, for example Justin Beiber, a lot of girls are "in love" with him, but how can they be? If they have never talked to him and only heard him singing they can't know if they love him. They think he is great looking and has an amazing voice, there obsessed because they have a crush on him, but no one knows what Justin is truly like outside of his singing world. You don't know what this crush of yours is like outside of your classroom because you have never attempted to say a word to him. I know how it feels when people instantly say "oh she's talking to that boy, she likes him" and yes, it is embarrassing, but what can you do? If it's not true, it's not true, but never let some one's annoying harsh words get the best of you. I know it's a hard, but you can't care about what people say or think about you. In reality, everyone does, and if someone says something about you talking to this boy, just ignore it and blow it off, that's the best thing you can do. People try and get reactions out of people, which is why they say things but if you ignore it and don't acknowledge that anything was said, it annoys them.
As far as a way to getting to talk to this boy goes, i would sit next to him in class, or ask him if he has a pencil or pen, ask him what the homework was or if he gets the classwork you are doing or if he can help you with any of it. There are so many ways to approach a conversation, you just have to keep in mind that you can't care what others will say about you. If you are happy, I'm sure your parents will be happy too, just don't get attached to this boy so easily, you are young and it's a little puppy love crush, chances are that this will not last forever, you will have many relationships throughout your lifetime and they will all teach you something, and you learn from them all until you find Mr. right and end up marrying him.
Good luck!
-Jenna

I like this boy!

There's this guy that goes to my school named Sam,and I REALLY like him. We're both in this club called Odyessey of the Mind,where you're given a problem and you have to comebup with a creative solution. I told my friends that I like him,and they,bieng the insane people they are,kept annoying him and telling him to ask me out. After I realized what they were doing I apologized to him and he said "No it's okay,I like you too. I just wanna get to know you better before I ask you out. A long while passed and he never did. I texted him and asked him if he still liked me. He said "We should wait to go out after the Odyessey competition." I agreed but I thought about it and I remembered the competition is in MARCH. MARCH. I know it sounds desperate but I really want to go out with him now. How do I tell him that????
`smurphymurphy


Dear smurphymurphy,
You don't tell him.. why? Well that is simple, because a lot of guys want to know they can have their space. Majority of guys don't really like clingy girls. If you show it's not bothering you, it's better. "good things come to those who wait" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I want you to remember those quotes and live by them. If you rush him into a relationship/date quicker then he wants it.. it will possibly ruin the whole entire relationship. Rushed relationships are never good and they hardly ever last. I understand you like him a lot, i get that, and he said that he likes you...which is why it's so hard, but at the same time it's better to wait, if your rush him into it, you'll only push him away. It's better in his mind and hopefully after i say this you will understand that the reason he may also be waiting until after the competition is to not only see if you can wait and be patient but for you both to not get caught up in a beginners love relationship and focus on the competition first. If you are both only concentrating on each other for the first few weeks of dating, then your not really focusing on the competition at all which isn't responsible. This competition means a lot to both of you I'm sure, or you wouldn't be in the group, and keeping your mind busy on it will speed up the date of the competition and before you know it, it'll be march and you'll get to go on your date with him!
don't rush into things and it will be a lot better! good luck!
-Jenna