Abusive relationship?

Dear Jenna,
 I have an abusive boyfriend. I love him so much and dearly and it's very hard for me to pull away. Sometimes we are okay, but the second that something doesn't go his way he takes all his aggression and anger out on me. My parents never raised me this way, i was always raised in a way that i should never let someone take advantage of me.. but i love this guy even though he goes through these acts. My parents always told me they want a guy for me that is going to buy me things, care for me, make me happy, never harm me in anyway but harm whoever is attempting to harm me.
In this case, my boyfriend does all those things, except.. he is the one harming me. I don't really know what starts the acts because we can go weeks without one episode...but than just out of the blue i get tossed acrossed the room. I never know when he is going to snap.. and that is really scary. I live with him too, and i have distanced myself away from my family because they told me to get away from him.. and he brainwashed me to believe that the only reason they were telling me to leave him was because i love him and i was happy and they didn't want me to be happy. I'm scared to defend myself.. hes all i got. Everytime he goes through an act.. he leaves the house, gathers himself, and comes back with jewlery or flowers for me.. sometimes both. He really is a caring person, he really is.. but just when i think it's all over, another act breaks out, I wish i knew what starts these acts, because we can be normal with out them for weeks, then bam.. it stirkes again. I don't know what i should do.. please help me.. thanks
-A concerned defenseless girlfriend


Dear A concerned defenseless girlfriend,
I think the best thing for you to do would be get out... AND FAST!
"getting tossed a crossed the room" is NOT how a relationship should be.. what's next? Getting tossed out a window? Down 3 flights of stairs? I understand your feelings towards him, but you need to turn those feelings into anger, get out, and loose all communication with him! Change your numbers too so he can't contact you. Contact your close friends and family. Your family will always forgive you, they will love you no matter what and will just be happy that you have finally come to your senses and got out of the terrible relationship. You said this guy "brainwashed" you to turn against your family... so maybe he "brainwashed" you to develope feelings of love torwards him. You should NEVER be afraid to defend yourself. He can get arrested for assult, just call the cops if you are scared. Get a restraining order. I don't see how anyone could possibly have any feelings of love torwards someone who is constantly hurting them out of the blue. You can also take self defense classes so you know how to defend youself, so you never have to be defensless anymore. If you are though, that serious about being in love with him.. you can try therapy classes or find the source of the problem. The only thing i could think of is if he drinks he could act like this. Think hard.. what is so different in the weeks you don't have an act? Does he go out drinking? What does he do before an episode breaks out. Violence is a major side effect from alchole and a majority of people do unfortunatly pick that up. Try and see if that's the problem.. talk to a theripist and get your guy some help. Put all these options into play to get yourself into a safer life style that's not harmful, and be happier like you should be! I hope this helps you make the right desicion on your situation. Good luck.
-Jenna