Been married for 5 years no kids....husband has always had a short fuse and can get quickly upset. It seems he gets upset at me for anything...how I drive, what groceries I buy, he tells me he needs someone else that is not so stupid. He tells me I'm a real c**t almost every day. If I try to assert myself or say, talk to me later when you can be decent...he then throws it into high gear and throws a hissy fit. He truly believes everything is all my fault. He thinks he is more fun than me. He said to me that I have nothing to bring to the table in this marriage.
We are on Xmas break from work now and have the entire week off. We usually work opposite shifts. He likes to sit around and watch tv, movies and music. I like to stay more active. Earlier today I told him I might meet some friends for an exercise class tomorrow. He started yelling at me at how I was being selfish, that he can't spend any time with me, that I'm always running off, and that we may as well spend the holidays apart. He also keeps threatening that after Xmas he is leaving me and finding his own apartment. He said "I can't wait till I'm divorced from you." He can fly off the handle a lot. He is often in trouble at work, has had to take anger management classes at work before. I have seen him scream and yell at his dad and even push and shove his dad. His dad did nothing to deserve that. He has minimal contact with any other family. I feel like I am being prevented from doing anything as an individual. If I even suggest it he is screaming at me. I really don't want him to leave. He can also be the nicest guy around. It seems there is a dark cloud over him right now. Should I just go along with this and be nice? He told me that this holiday he wants me to do things that HE wants to do. That he is tired of always going along with me. I don't think I monopolize his time as he says. I am known as smart, educated, talented, kind, laid back, good looking, put together...I don't have any enemies in life. I have good relationships. Except with my husband. The one I really wish was better. How do I cope with this? Please help!
~married to the Grinch
Dear married to the Grinch,
first i would just like to point out that "married to the Grinch" made me laugh out loud, anyway, it truly does sound like you are married to the Grinch. If your husband has anger issues don't take anything he says seriously because he is just saying it to scare you and because he is angry with whatever got him upset. Don't do things that will set him off and kill him with kindness. The nicer you are the easier it will be. I'm not saying don't do what you wanna do because he will get "annoyed" but make time for him. Maybe all he needs is you to be there spending quality time with him once in a while. You must truly love each other because you both have not left each other yet. I think you should sit your husband down for dinner one night just the two of you and just talk. Let everything out, and make it a habit. Once or twice a week have a date night. Whether you are going out or staying in watching a movie and eating dinner, just talk to each other, let your stress out by talking out any problems you both have, and then relax. I think this is the best advice i can give you for this situation. A lot of the time it's just lack of something in a relationship that could cause the significant other to "fly of the handle." It could be lack of communication, sex, quality time, listening.. ect. Work things out by taking the first approach of talking and setting up date nights. It will make both of you very happy. Good luck,
-Jenna
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